Negotiating With Angry People

When you negotiate with people who are angry, what strategies and tactics can you use to combat their anger?

There will be times when you will have to negotiate with people who are angry, for one reason or another. When you encounter such a person, the first thing you should try to do is establish the source of their anger. Are they angry with you because of the position or organization you represent? Do they feel as though they’ve received the ‘short end of the stick’ and think you played a role in their dilemma? Did they start their day by getting up on the ‘wrong side of the bed?’

The reason it’s so important to identify the source of their anger is so you can understand the mindset they possess and the reason they possess that mindset. Once you’ve determined the reasoning behind the adoption of their current position and the source from which it came, you’ll have insight into how to alter their mental makeup. After understanding their mental makeup, you can employ the following 7 strategies …

  1. Before the encounter, if possible, determine how you might address the situation. Gather information as to the source of the problem the other person has and why they are maintaining that position.
  2. Listen very intently to the nature of their concerns and don’t interrupt while they are speaking. When you interrupt someone, you are literally saying, what you have to say is more important than what they are saying. In addition, you can’t gather information while you’re talking versus listening. Some people just want to be heard.
  3. Let the other person know you’re really listening by reiterating what you’ve heard. State the fact that you’re listening in the form of, ‘So I’m sure I understand what you’re saying, I’d like to reiterate what I’ve heard.’ Convey empathy and genuine concern for their situation.
  4. Read the other person’s body language, even if you’re speaking to them on the phone. You can listen to the level of anger they possess. Some negotiators suggest you infuse humor into such a situation. My suggestion is ‘go easy.’ You don’t want to exacerbate a situation further by being perceived as insensitive.
  5. Identify your position as it relates to why you and not someone else is negotiating in this situation.
  6. Highlight your authority to address their problem (note: Do not put yourself in the position of having the final authority of giving them what they want, until you’re sure you can deliver what they seek and it’s not to your detriment. You always want to have a ‘back door’ to escape through in case you can’t deliver the ultimate request they’re making.)
  7. Change the pace of the conversation. If the other person is screaming, acknowledge your perception of their state of mind and speak in a softer tone. If they are speaking fast, you should speak slower. What you’re attempting to do is change the tone, pace, and speed of the conversation. By doing so, you will start to alter the mental state of mind the other person possesses.

If you’ve learned how to interpret body language, even if you can’t see the other person (if you want/need more information on how to read body language, send me an e-mail), you’ll gain insight into how their perception and emotional state of mind is changing. If you’re negotiating face to face, determining their mental level of anxiety becomes invariantly easier. Suffice it to say, when you negotiate with an angry person, display empathy, an understanding of their perspective, and the willingness to address their concerns … and everything will be right with the world.

The negotiation lessons are …

  • When negotiating with an angry person/people, let them talk. Go the ‘extra mile’ to understand their source of irritation and let them know you’re trying to work with them to solve their problem.
  • Determine if they are using anger as a tactic to manipulate you into getting what they want. If you determine they are using anger as a tactic, let them know that you are ‘on to their game.’
  • While trying to assist the angered person to achieve what they seek, keep your own goals for the negotiation in mind. Be sure to set boundaries, so the other person knows, as early in the conversation as possible, that you will assist them, but not to your disadvantage. Always be willing to walk away from a situation and incur the consequences, if you can’t agree upon an equitable outcome.

Trauma: Can Someone Project Their Past Onto Their Present If They Experienced Trauma As A Child?

There are a number of reasons as to why someone would reach out for the support of a therapist or a counsellor. Still, if someone was to take this step, it could show that they are going through tough a time and can no longer handle what is going on.

Perhaps they are experiencing a fair amount of fear and anxiety, making it difficult for them to relax and to embrace life. For most of their life, they may have been fine, but now life will be a challenge.

Nothing New

Then again, their life may have been this for as long as they can remember. For one reason or another, then, they will have decided that enough is enough and that something needs to be done.

In this case, one might not be able to imagine what their life would be like if they no longer felt so tense and were able to feel at ease. Yet, even if this is so, it won’t have stopped them from trying to do something about how they experience life.

The Next Step

Now, irrespective of how long someone has experienced life in this way for, they are going to want their life to change. It might not matter how they change their life either, as long as it doesn’t stay the same.

When they work with a therapist or a counsellor, for instance, the focus could be on what is taking place in their mind. This person could ask them to talk about what thoughts they usually have and what they focus on.

The Main Area

They could soon be told that they need to change what is taking place in their mind in order to experience life differently. What is going on there could even be described as irrational and having no basis in reality.

So, if they were to take a step back and to detach from what is taking place in their mind, they may see that there is no reason for them to be on edge or to live on the sidelines. Their mind will be playing tricks on them and the sooner that they realise this, the better.

No Foundations

Therefore, unless they are told that what is taking place in their mind is the result of what they believe, for instance, it will be as though their thoughts are just appearing out of nowhere and that they just focus on certain things. There will be nothing that is taking place at a deeper level that they will need to look into.

Unlike a weed that will be supported by a deep root, there will be no deep roots that are sustaining what is taking place in their mind. Ergo, as they change what is going on up top, the rest of their life should also change.

A New Beginning

Through working on what is taking place in their mind in the company of their therapist/ counsellor and in their own time, they may find that they start to settle down and to become more involved in life. If this does take place, they could be amazed by how different their life is.

Additionally, they could sleep better, find it easier to concentrate, and their memory could improve, amongst other things. Conversely, this approach might not work or if it does, it might only work for a short while.

An Unexpected Outcome

If their life only changes for a short while, they could come to conclude that their life will never change. It might seem as though they were just dreaming and now they have woken up.

On the other hand, if their life didn’t change at all, they could experience a deep sense of helplessness. The key at this point will be for them to get back on their feet and to look for another way to change their life.

Going Deeper

If they were to keep going, what they may come to see is that what is taking place in their mind is just a small part of what is going on. What could lead to this understanding is if they were to get in touch with what is taking place further down – their body.

By connecting to this part of their being, what they may find is that there is a scared child inside them. Without knowing it, this child self will have been influencing how their adult self perceived the world.

The Past Is Present

With this in mind, it makes sense as to why it will have been so hard for them to feel at ease and to embrace life. Ultimately, their childhood years will be firmly in the past, but they will still be carrying the impact of what took place all those years ago.

This could have been a time in their life when there was one thing that traumatised them or this may have been a time when they were traumatised on a regular basis. The years would have passed, causing them to lose touch with what took place, but what took place would still have seeped into their conscious mind.

Self-Knowledge

If they hadn’t tried another approach, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to see that they were projecting their past onto their present. This can be seen as their minds way of getting them to acknowledge what is taking place inside them so that they can resolve it and become more integrated in the process.

The trouble is that unless one has developed an observer self and is able to tune into what is taking place inside them, they won’t be able to connect the dots, so to speak. Their focus will be on what is taking place ‘out there’, which can cause them to see themselves as a powerless victim.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to explore what is taking place in their body and to acknowledge it.

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, three hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

How Personal Injury Attorneys & Serious Injury Lawyers Present Damages in Catastrophic Injury Cases

Personal injury lawyers commonly are consulted by a potential client who has been seriously injured or who has suffered catastrophic injuries as the result of the breadth of negligent conduct, from an auto accident or bicycle or pedestrian or motorcycle accident to medical malpractice, a product defect, food poisoning, or a defect or failure to maintain commercial or residential premises.

While “liability” in some cases may be simple, such as the auto accident lawyers establishing through witness testimony that the defendant driver ran the red light, the presentation of the damage case in every serious injury case is complex. Specific injuries sustained in auto accidents or premises liability cases, such as traumatic brain injury (TBI) or spinal cord injuries resulting in paralysis, quadriplegia or paraplegia, and the resulting loss of enjoyment of life, can be as complex to present by personal injury lawyers as the evidence of Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome HUS in a food poisoning case, or cerebral palsy in an obstetrical medical malpractice case.

Furthermore, speaking again just in terms of the client’s “general damages,” the personal injury lawyers must use appropriate strategies to convey to the settlement judge or jury the life consequence of the serious injuries. Many personal injury attorneys refer to “general damages” as “pain and suffering,” but often the most persuasive strategy can be framed in terms of “loss of enjoyment of life.” One way that lawyers will present their clients general damages is by eliciting the testimony of the client, his family and friends, as well as photographs and home movies demonstrating all the activities that the client enjoyed most in his life before the accident, juxtaposed against a “Day in the Life” film, commissioned by the personal injury lawyer to demonstrate the courage of the seriously injured client as he confronts all of the obstacles and challenges presented by his daily life.

The personal injury lawyer must also present the client’s “special damages” including his past and future medical expenses and past and future loss of earnings or earning capacity. Past medical expenses are often easy to prove, simply gathering and summing all medical bills accumulated from the date of the accident through the date of the settlement conference or trial. Future medical expenses are much more complicated for personal injury attorneys to present, usually requiring the testimony of a number of medical experts, a life care planner and a forensic economist. Very briefly, the life care planner consults with the treating and the medical experts hired by the serious injury attorneys to arrive at the client’s life expectancy and itemize all of the medical expense, from additional surgeries to convalescent home or rehabilitation expense, to replacement prostheses or wheel chairs to medical supplies that the client will require over the course of his life expectancy. The personal injury lawyer will the present the “life care plan” to a forensic economist who will increase the individual costs over the time period using medical cost inflation statistics and then reduce the total to present value.

In the simplest of cases, involving the hourly wage earner, for example, the measure of past loss of earnings might be relatively easy to calculate, but the measure of future loss of earning is always complex. Again it requires the personal injury lawyer to engage a number of experts, including medical experts, and most importantly a “vocational rehabilitation expert” and forensic economist. The measure of future loss of earnings or earning capacity is the “net” loss, and so the vocational rehabilitation expert generally meets with the client, speaks with the clients physicians and the medical experts selected by the serious injury lawyer, reviews the clients transcripts from the schooling or advanced education he has received, and then provides a report to the lawyer describing the occupations for which the client is, subsequent to the accident, is disqualified to participate in, and the occupations for which he remains qualified. Depending on the client’s injury, there may also be a substantial difference between the client’s “work life expectancy” before and after the accident. The serious injury lawyers then provide the vocational rehabilitation experts report to the forensic economist, who in turn employs wage rate increase statistics, for the client’s occupation before the accident, and in those industries for which he is still qualified to be employed, if any, and applies general inflation statistics to the gross total loss of future earnings to discount to present value.

Please understand that above our California personal injury lawyers have discussed only the “simplest case” of the hourly wage earner. Presenting future loss earnings, for example, can be much more complicated, for example, in cases in which the client was a business owner. For a more complete discussion of the presentation of damages in serious injury cases, you are invited to consider How Serious Injury Lawyers President Damages in Catastrophic Injury Cases In that article we go into much more depth in explaining how serious injury attorneys present general damages and special damages, including in particular, future medical expenses and future loss of earnings.

It is a challenge for personal injury lawyers to properly and adequately present the damage case of the seriously injury client. It is a challenge that must be accepted by attorneys who regularly prosecute complex cases, such as medical malpractice, food poisoning or pharmaceutical product liability cases, as well as auto accident lawyers and premises liability attorneys alike. The special damage issues, which are the commonly the most complex, are the regardless whether the underlying liability is a simple auto accident or complex medical malpractice case. And the damage case requires equal attention, regardless of the underlying liability, by the personal injury lawyer who undertakes any serious injury case.